Photo by Kim Holtermand (via Ffffound!).
The Reverb prompt that I want to respond to today is: What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
Pregnancy has forced me to let go of a lot. My lack of energy has meant that I feel up for fewer things and get less done each day. While this letting go is temporary (I hope), it’s been hard. And I think I’ve made it harder than it needs to be. Lots of people have told me how they loved being pregnant. I’m sad to report that I have yet to even kind of like being pregnant. I always imagined that I would love it, and it’s a bit crushing not to find love where you expect to find it. I know I’m still early on and that there’s still lots of time for me to enjoy pregnancy (especially since I’m out of the dreaded first trimester now). But I think that these pregnancy lovers may have better at embracing pregnancy than I have been.
I get tired at 8:00 or 9:00 at night now, and, instead of thinking of this as a unique time in my life when I can enjoy the opportunity to snuggle up early, I’ve made it into a nightly battle. I tell myself that I’m being lazy and that I must fight it. Almost every night, the tiredness wins, but I never let myself feel good about it. Part of this urge to battle comes from the fact that I’m a depressive person, and, for me, depression presents itself as very low energy. I’m just used to fighting the dreaded low energy. But what I’m experiencing now is different. It’s real tiredness. I’m working on letting go of the inner battle.
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December 8, 2010 at 9:06 pm
cherokeebydesign
Well, since I’m not a female I cant speak from experience….but from what my last girlfriend said, every woman is different and each time is different, she felt bad the whole 9 months….but she has a friend that said she felt awesome the whole time.
Raven
December 9, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Bea
I was the same during my pregnancy, I hated it. I was sick and tired the entire time. The loss of control I felt over my body terrified me and I felt so guilty about how disconnected I felt in the beginning. It wasn’t until I felt my daughter move for the first time that things slowly began to change for me.
I’m just anonymous reader but I wanted to share a CD that truly helped me through my pregnancy. It actually opened the door to more meditation for me and eventually led me to Hypnobirthing. Maybe it will help you too! It’s called Health Journeys: Meditations to Support A Healthy Pregnancy & Successful Childbirth by Belleruth Naparstek.
The time that you carry this child is only temporary. Your strength will come back! Letting go will be one of the most important lessons you can learn during this time. I hope things get easier soon!